Things change. People change.
I've heard first hand real life stories of friends being molested, family murders, kidnaps, freak accidents, cheating partners, abandonment and so many more crazy stuff going on in life. I watch Crime Investigation every single day and I know these things do happen, but rationalized that these documentaries were compiled throughout the span of last 20 years. It was really hard to believe to find out that these similar crazy CI stories actually happened to people around me, people I really know.
I am very blessed with where I am right now, and very grateful for everything - at least trying to remind myself every single day about awesome details in my life.
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I decided to keep loving a person who may never love me back. The same person who decided that he does not need me in his life.. Decided to walk out on me forever, in so to get his life back. It was unbearable, but I stick through it to look at things positively. Definitely someday there will be an answer to this. But I believe anything that happens along the way is always for the better, no matter which way it would end.
I have settled in staying alone, apart from my family for the 8th month now. It's different when you are living alone abroad, and when you're living alone locally, driving distance from where your parents are. I find it much easier abroad though. Never put too much thought to why so. However, things did improve overall without me around. I was a ticking bomb back in those days. My parents were very worried about me exploding, tearing the family apart. Some things really need not be said, told or questioned. Really. They will work their way out eventually. No point harping on issues.
I have great friendships that I have developed from schooling years. I am not a person with great words, good gifts and pleasant surprises. I never initiated anything but I had friends who understood me and kept me in the loop all these years. Its a shame how some friendship had unpleasant series of text messages which in the end, created a permanent fallout / distance. I realized I shouldn't be upset for too long when they decided I was not good enough for them in their lives. However heartbroken I am, I know people where their parents have walked out on them. And these kids never stopped loving them. If there's so much to hate about me just being a friend, I guess it's only best for them to let go.
I was reminded some time last month, that hatred does not hurt anyone else but yourself. Does not tire anyone else but yourself. I was very relieved after reading that text. And that was when I took the whole break up crap the right way. In my last relationship (a very special and different one), it has disengaged me from arguments (all kinds) and I begin to hate arguing so much. Hate reasoning things and avoid angry talks as much as I can - because I talk out of spite. Good life lesson learned. Now, I may sound like I just want to simplify things and get over and done with it. But if that person knows me well enough and see me grow, my intentions would be very clear.
As much as I dislike entertaining clients, I constantly remind myself to stay true to my passion. I have hit my mid year sales target before the mid year ended! Seems pretty awesome and I hope things will slowly climb it's way up, cos to me, a steady climb promises a stronger foundation. I've been careful and slow with decisions, sometimes it really pisses my business and working partners off. But I thank you all so much for putting up with me until today. Without all of you, I will be nowhere near this. I can't wait to break the record again by the end of 2013! *motivated*
I did not cook or clean to impress - I have proven answers for that. Although I wish I could do all these for a lifelong partner I love. I personally like / enjoy things my way. I realized I am quite petty with cleanliness (still working on messiness). I'm not so assy that I need to mop my house twice a day but I have to do it at least once a week. I am very irritated with water drops and hair on my floor. I spot clean on every other day - window, mirror, floor tiles. Now that the girls are with me, they brought so much life into the house! And footprints too lol! I actually get off work earlier some days to commit to house cleaning. And I still love cooking even when it's only for myself (working on presentation and taste though haha).
Up to this point, life is being good and fair. To those people who chose to walk out of my life.. To those who wanted me out of their life.. I love you all the same. I may have done something that made you all love me not the same anymore. I can't reverse that, but I know I'm working towards to be a better "me".
**To my late grandma, I miss you. I still cry today because I was too late and didn't get to say goodbye to you. You have strengthened me about what love and good relationships should all be about.**